The bluster of Augusta

Hootie must realize female member issue won't disappear

In the heyday of the Roman republic, Lucius Verginius was an honored general. He had a beautiful daughter, Verginia. She was lusted after by a much older politician, Appius Claudius. So much did Appius desire Verginia that he contrived to have a judge rule that Verginia was not the daughter of Lucius, but a slave he had raised as a daughter. This allowed Verginia to be taken from her home and placed as a servant in another, where, Lucius knew, Appius would have his way with her.

So, Lucius asked the judge for a private minute with Verginia, and, when they were alone, he promptly pulled out a knife and -- without asking her how she felt about the matter -- stabbed his daughter to death. Thus did he spare her from Appius' intimacies.

This, you see, is exactly how it is in Augusta, where Hootie Johnson, our own noble Lucius Verginius, would rather take the life out of his beloved Masters than see it defiled. The only difference is that Lucius was trying to save Verginia from a man, while Hootie is trying to save the Masters from a woman.

"We will prevail because we are right," Hootie proclaimed last week. Oh, poor Hootie, Hootie, Hootie: you can't prevail. If wishes were fishes ... Martha Burk is never going to go away. The issue is never going to go away. Until a woman member is allowed to become a member of Augusta National, the matter will breathe. Oh sure, it will rise and fall, but every April it will loom again, and the circus will come back to town. The sad thing about Hootie Johnson -- no matter how you feel about his point of view -- is that not only does his blustering do damage to the Masters, the institution he so loves, but he has also made a laughingstock of the very men he is entrusted to lead.

Whatever the public once thought of Augusta National's members, these generally wise and successful men now appear as hidebound old mossbacks who are void of any gumption, unwilling to say a word in protest against the clubhouse tyrant who rules them.

In any event, the big protest is scheduled for Saturday, but the battle will probably be granted general amnesty whenever Tiger Woods is on the course making birdies. The club is awfully lucky to have Woods as a diversion. But on Sunday, as soon as Tiger or The Man Who Beat Tiger obsequiously thanks Hootie for helping him on with the winner's unfashionable green jacket, we'll return to the sustaining issue of women's membership. Hootie, Hootie, Hootie: it just isn't going to stop.

Sports Illustrated senior contributing writer Frank Deford is a regular contributor to SI.com and appears each Wednesday on National Public Radio's Morning Edition. He is a longtime correspondent for HBO's Real Sports and his new novel, An American Summer (Sourcebooks Trade), is available at bookstores everywhere.

 

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