Lost at home

Why can't the English prevail in their own championships?

It's that annual time when the world casts its sporting eyes in happy curiosity toward Great Britain, while the British cast their eyes downward in embarrassment. Yes, at their world championships of tennis and golf, the British are watching and will watch once again as others triumph in their games, at their home. Or, as London's Daily Mail put it so succinctly the other day with a banner headline: Why ARE we such a bunch of losers?

Last week things reached a new low for the native women at Wimbledon, when not a single one made it past the first round. The men did a bit better, as the perennial great slight hope, Tim Henman, sailed on an easy draw into the into the quarterfinals. Meanwhile, the other British male stalwart, Greg Rusedski, not only went down in flames, but also exited the tournament with an outburst of obscenities that shocked even an announcer named John McEnroe. In Great Britain, Henman is now "Our Timmy." Suddenly, Rusedski's Canadian nativity counted more than his British passport. As The Times declared: Rusedski is "more Canadian than the average Mountie."

The Brits have fared far better on the links, but then that was during the 20th century. The best homegrown golfer today is Colin Montgomerie, who never fails to disappoint -- invariably saving his worst for the British Open. Montgomerie is viewed at home as a chubby whiner and has been famously caricatured as Mrs. Doubtfire, the movie personality Robin Williams played in drag.

But, alas, it is not just golf and tennis that have lowered the Union Jack this year. Lennox Lewis had given England its first heavyweight champion in an eon, and, giddy with their handsome hero, the Brits had begun to place Lewis in the pantheon of pugilistic gods -- notwithstanding his losses to the likes of Oliver McCall and Hasim Rahman. Yet, two weeks ago his certification of immortality was cancelled when Lewis, out of shape and outmatched, was lucky to save his title only because his opponent, one Vitali Klitschko, was forced to retire because of a bad cut over his left eye.

But, oh, woe of woes, worst of all, the adored David Beckham, England's finest soccer player, was unceremoniously sold out of country to Real Madrid. The banishment of the beloved Becks, whose marriage to the woman formerly known as Posh Spice created the most famous couple in England since Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, caused nothing less than national despair. It even managed to distract attention from the Blair government, which had been accused of lying to its people in order to go to war on the side of the Americans, to thereby guarantee at least one British victory.

If teaming up with the win-at-all-costs Americans helped the British win a war this year, they figured that strategy might work for the Olympics, too. To battle Paris and New York for the right to host the 2012 Summer Games, the English chose a Boston-born, Mount Holyoke-educated businesswoman, Barbara Cassani, to lead London's effort. Though Ms. Cassani now proudly holds a British passport, her selection brought a mixed reaction. On the negative side, many Brits expressed concern that her American accent would distract Olympic members, who, as we know, are easily confused. On the positive side, well, you see, she's not really English. As one sports official put it candidly, "Barbara's got that American 'go get 'em attitude'. If we got too British about our bid, we would have got off on the wrong foot."

Meanwhile, back at Wimbledon, "Our Timmy" keeps winning, thereby leading the nation down the garden path again, at least for a few more days. Of course, as The Times sighed, victory for an Englishman at their own championship would be "the greatest miracle since the loaves and fishes."

Sports Illustrated senior contributing writer Frank Deford is a regular contributor to SI.com and appears each Wednesday on National Public Radio's Morning Edition. He is a longtime correspondent for HBO's Real Sports and his new novel, An American Summer (Sourcebooks Trade), is available at bookstores everywhere

 

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